Lol....

Yeah, I know. It's been quite a while.

Too much has gone on over the period of 8 months to even really to take a stab at it. The current...and most important statuses that are changed are:

1) Graduated High School with Honors.

2) Now in College at IUPUI.

For more information on what has been up with me....seeing how I barely log into Xanga anymore, visit www.myspace.com/coolgamerguy . My blog there has been pretty frequently updated with crap.

For any thing else that that blog missed, visit my short lived (but soon will be revived) blog at www.idiotbydefault.blogspot.com .

As for now, I dunno when I will ever use this blog again. Looking back on previous entries...I can't believe how much I have grown up. I think, if I ever do stop posting here, I will still leave this up....as a reminder of what I used to be....and for people to see my progression through my high school years.

So..bored right now....with nothing much to do.

I think I should get up early to write that paper that I have no idea what topic I should do it on....crap....and that Calculus take home thingie too....

Purdue sent me papers from the FASFA form...but I have no fucking clue if I am accepted there or not.

I see everyone around me....my love life shot in the back....and my faith lost in myself. Weeeeeee! Indeed.

O.O

I need 3,000 dollars to go to Japan this summer. Fuck, we (as in our group) need around 12,000 + for the trip.

Money plz.

xD

Interesting....

Yeah...so...by just the mere fact of watching a movie, I know quite a bit more about myself....to the point that I've came to major revealations about my ways in the love life that I lead/ have led.

Funny thing is I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was about a guy that was suddenly pressured by his semi-long time girlfriend to get married. The guy was completely flasted, and not knowing what to do at the time, he had to have some time to think about the whole time of the 'game'. I could only sympathize with him to the point that sometimes I just go out with people only not to feel lonely. I have sort of had that happen with me.

So, the major point I came to is several conclusions. The first, and most obvious changing one is that I really need to feel a connection to go out with someone. For some odd reason, I have a really good choice in friends, I don't self-analyize a person to death that is going to be my friend. I just know when a person will be a great friend, or a back-stabbing one. That really depends on variables, but when it comes to relationships, I take a while. Past ex's thought that I go increadibly too fast, when in fact, it takes almost (my shortest period of time record is 2 months) a long while to decide if she's the one for me....or in essense, if I had felt something significant. I've realized this with Antoinette particularly. When Brittney gave me an ultimatium, I was out of my mind. I really can't make decisions like that of that importance in a small amount of time. When, in the short time I went out with her, realized something was completely wrong, I just took the first excuse I could get to let the relationship end. I just wish I could go about, just using my gut instinct to lead me to the next woman, however, that would be cheating the 'game', and no one is that lucky right off the bat.

Luna was a different world in a different place. It was a combination of failures that lead to our breakup. First off, I wasn't 100% sure about if I actually wanted to go out with her or not. If you're not completely sure....after knowing someone for almost a year....than you are either really slow...or a loser (in my case). So, out of the major fact that I didn't want to be alone, I went out with her....for 11 months. I'm glad I did, because I needed some type of relationship development over the high school career. People that don't date in high school can be so naive when it really comes to love at college. College is a whole new area in itself.

In high school, casual relationships are all the rage. The thing is it's ok to make stupid choice in love at the time rather than later. But, my grief against casual relationships is the fact that two people may not be on the same channel when they start going out. The channel really determines how much you really like someone. I tried to do the whole thing, but I needed a little bit more time than others. (Rofl, it reminds me of "She's Electric" by Oasis. Lmao)

So, I know it will be diffcult to find someone else. I think it might relate to my high standards, but I could really find them in almost any gal. It's just....I am a bit picky when it comes to things like that. Some of my friends may say..."Well, Chris...stop being picky." Well friends, I cannot entirely. I rather waste a small amount of time thinking about a romantic decision, rather than waste a huge amout of time with rushing into one. When I do make that decision, however, I could speed tempo....to catch up to where I should be. I used to favor online relationships.....not because I didn't have to see that person everyday, but because I could take my time and move at my own pace online....because people like to rush, because they won't someone take his/her time. And in the end....they're worse off by rushing because that cliff is not to far ahead of them.

In retrospect, I really felt a significant ding for only one person (as of now). She's gorgeous, has many of the qualities I look for in someone including a great personality, but she lives quite a distance away. We knew it was pointless to attempt a long-distance relationship, but we still were really good friends. She's soon traveling close....probably the closest that she'll be to me..and I might fly out to see her. xD Hopeless romanticism is overrated....and it shoots me in the foot. For a while now....I won't care.

Anyway, I must now finish homework...that I couldn't consentrate on last night. If you didn't understand anything, then blame my "awakward" writting style. My English teacher loves me. xD

Woha like....wowa.

This week has gotten to be pretty interesting in itself. I mean, I have done a few things and crap that I wouldn't have normally done. And yet, I am still down....and it was much observed yesterday.

Anyway, let me all bring ya down to what exactally occured this week.

The week started off normally, just like it usually does.....with me wondering about what's going on this week. For the past few months (as I later found out) however, a girl named Brittney has taken quite a gast at me. So, on Wednesday, without really thinking, I finally said yes to her proposal, and we started going out. However, after following through on some advice from my dad, I had to break it off the next day.

The rest of the week nearly seemed unreal, as all the homework assigned got incredibly easier. I dunno really why....

But, I went to Melissa's party last night, and that was sure to be really interesting....seeing how I chewed out a friend's boyfriend at this so party. I don't know...when I arrived, I was all normal and excited to see old friends and hang out with a few new ones.....then I started to think about depressing things....and sorta went sulking. Stephanie came over....with her bf....and well....he's just an ass. I don't even see what she sees in him. I wasn't depressed about that though. However, her bf desided to act like an ass, and personally annoy me....just like some people used to do to me when I was young. I hate fucking people that mess with me that they don't even know me. They really do deserve bad things to befall them.  So, I chewed him out. One....for being such an asshole to Melissa, his gf, and everyone at the party, two for messing with me when a) I'm sulking/depressed and b) Messing with me and not knowing me is a bad thing, and three because I let my fustration of not being able to solve some of the things in my head out. It caused everyone else to be conserned about me, Stephanie and her bf and his friends to leave the party, and Melissa to feel like she didn't really get to hangout with Steph since that was like the first time in a few months that they actually got to hangout.

So.....my analysis about things that happened this week:

1) Being asked out: That's like the first time at Warren that someone actually asked me out. For some reason, it's very difficult to come out and say my answer.....and usually, in the past, I would wait practically forever with replying with a response. I hate being like this, but it's going to take a while to get out of that. I just need to be more expressive. It's the main reason why that was the first time I have ever gone out with someone from my own school. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Also, I am not sure why I keep attracting people that are younger than me instead of my own age. It's kinda odd really.But, I couldn't really do the waiting game again....at least now since I am a legal adult (that sometimes may not emotionally act like one....or at least I feel that way...sometimes...).

2) Melissa's Party: It was nice to talk with old buds again...and meet some new people. I just...don't know what came of me when I started to be depressed.....maybe...thinking back of the week....

Odd enough, I realize why I do take sometime to respond when it comes to someone asking me out. I didn't take any time when I got into the relationship on Wednesday, but I felt really dependant and desprate at the same time. If I keep on saying I need someone, with the fear of fucking up to lose that someone, to the point of being desprate...well...I can't really take that....for too much longer.

Been occupying myself with FFTA. Really good game. My templar is kickass. Sw337.

Current Mood: Semi-Emo

Currently Playing: FFTA

Currently Watching: Me type

Currently Thinking: Perhaps....I should have change naturally come to me....instead of forcing it upon myself.